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瞎扯 · 如何正确地吐槽

图片:《花木兰》

国内哪所大学宿舍环境比较差?

哈哈哈

都让开!都让开!!

这题我有发言权!!!

当我踏进宿舍第一步的时候我愣住了。

当我知道我睡上铺的时候我凌乱了。

_=͟͟͞͞(๑•̀=͟͟͞͞(๑•̀д•́=͟͟͞͞(๑•̀д•́๑)

没错!!

睡下铺的兄 dei 比我凌乱一万倍~

每天起床第一件事除了感恩就是感恩。

你的电脑被黑客黑过吗?

BugCug,程序员/羽毛球爱好者

周末,打开陪我征战五年的电脑,英雄联盟,启动!

然后我就发现,似乎还没有双击到 tgp,图标就被删掉了!不知道为啥,难道 tgp 更新后自杀了?

没事,难不倒我。打开磁盘,找到 tgp 目录,双击鼠标进入。诡异的事情再次发生了,没有等我进入,这个文件夹就被删掉了。而且大概同时执行了 30+ 次删除任务,因为只有第一次删除成功了,后面都提示找不到文件,需要手动消掉 30+ 次的找不到文件的通知。

现在我意识到了事情不妙。大概率是中毒了。我想翻翻磁盘,但是任何一个目录都是这样,我还没有进去就被删了……用方向键移动也是这样子,只要聚焦在某一个文件,那个文件就会万劫不复的被删除 30+ 次。

没事,难不倒我。重启电脑,切换到 win7!嘿嘿,没想到吧,老子的双系统就是为了今天!

在我玩了五分钟手机后,win7 慢慢的苏醒过来,360 提示我的开机速度打败了全国 1% 的电脑。emmm,这都不重要。出来吧 360!

当我再次双击 360 图标时,它也消失了。这个病毒如鬼魅般,在我切换完系统后还是生效的!道高一尺魔高一丈。那么,在这个环境里折腾也没用了!

没事,难不倒我。安全模式,启动!

进到安全模式后,我绝望的发现,这个现象依然存在;如同秋名山上的 ae86,如蛆附骨,如影随形。

冷静冷静,作为一名信息安全专业毕业的三脚猫,我开始冷静的分析起来。现在都 9012 年了,不应该有这么蛮横不讲理的病毒啊!!这么大摇大摆的暴露自己,根本赚取不了利益呀?难道说,这根本不是病毒??

我按了几下笔记本右上角的 delete 键,然后,电脑就恢复正常了。

哦,原来是 delete 键坏掉了,一直在狂点删除键……所以我聚焦到任何一个文件时,它都会被删掉。

如何看待孟美岐讲述自己在创造 101 后期几乎每天只睡 30 分钟觉?

全体超神杨克丝,前游戏策划/现农业公务员

孟美岐说自己 2 个月睡了 30 个小时;

王菊说自己可能要得唐氏综合症……

我突然意识到,我发现了一个惊天大秘密——

101 怕不是一个生物工程实验室?

如果让你娶一位迪士尼公主,你会选谁?为什么?

知乎用户,wb槿年咕咕咕 文章更好看,真的!

我的英文水平只允许我与木兰结交。

你们都穿什么牌子的球鞋?

滑稽官方指定用户

高帮科比

恕在下直言

你们的战靴都是辣鸡

如何委婉地拒绝男生的表白?

知乎用户,中关村文理应用学院

Dear Sir,

Thank you for expressing your interest in offering me a place as a girlfriend. However, due to the large amount of love confessions I received this year, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your confession at this time.

Please be aware that this rejection does not reflect any negative evaluation on your confession. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of love confessions. With such a varied and promising result, it is impossible for me to accept all confessions, regardless of their outstanding confessing performances.

Again, I greatly appreciate your interest in loving me, and I offer my best wishes of success in your future love confession.

Best,

XXX

Dean of Love Confession Acceptance and Financial Aid

_________________________________________

Please do NOT reply directly to this email.

(修改自 圭多达莱佐 关于如何写拒信的知乎答案)

JX Consp,朱门酒肉臭,路有克苏鲁

来另一个版本的

Thank you so much for your interest in my boyfriend intern 2018 position. Unfortunately, I have decided not to move forward with you as a candidate at this time. I received an unprecedented amount of confessions, and we decide to continue the process with other candidates with a stronger match.

This is never an easy decision. I really do appreciate your interest and hope that you'll keep me in mind for the future. I will keep your love letter in file, and, however, look forward to reaching out to you with right positions.

In the meantime, we wish you a good luck with your girlfriend search. Thanks again for your interest in being my boyfriend.

Legal Disclaimer:

The information contained in this message may be privileged and confidential. It is intended to be read only by the individual or entity to whom it is addressed or by their designee. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, you are on notice that any distribution of this message, in any form, is strictly prohibited. If you have received this message in error, please immediately notify the sender and delete or destroy any copy of this message!

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